OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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