We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
