You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
