We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
