I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
