i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
