Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
