He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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