i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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