my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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