do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
