We're like a lot better than the average bears
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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