i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
is wine microwaveable?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
