i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
