I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
