So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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