Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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