Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
