The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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