i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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