i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
