I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
