Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
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