So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
