We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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