ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
is wine microwaveable?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
