i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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