come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
