she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
