dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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