god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
