Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
its liver damage thursday
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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