i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
