Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
