She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I didn't notice because vodka
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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