paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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