Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
