escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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