I've blown a few things in my day
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
