Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
