this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
