We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
