I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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