i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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