I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
