Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
