I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
