So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
