dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
