shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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