Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
