i was born a porn star she said
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
