the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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