I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
