I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
